For Illinois divorces with children in the mix, emotional implications quickly ramp up. Holistically, divorce carries a heavy weight for children.
Typically, adult parents accumulated decades of life experience. On the other hand, for children, life as they knew it will never be the same. However, strategic decision-making and cooperation for both parents can lead their children to successfully maintain and build a positive relationship in the long run.
Common Questions Among Illinois Divorces with Children
Commonly, children place themselves at the center of blame. During Illinois divorces with children, this tends to be even more true. Oftentimes, children wonder what they did to cause it, and how they can solve the problem. In general, this line of thought brings up numerous questions.
Overall, here are some of the most common ones:
- Was it my fault? Children need to be told by both parents that the children did nothing to cause this divorce. The divorce has nothing to do with them.
- What will happen to me? They need to know that although the parent-to-parent relationship is changing, the parent-to-child relationship is not. They will still spend time with each parent and both parents will still love the children with the same love they had for them before the divorce.
- Where will I live? Parents need to be honest with their children about how the living situation will change. Will the children live primarily with one parent and spend overnights with the other? How will the children share time between their parents’ homes?
- Will I have to move from my current home? Children worry about moving away from friends and neighbors.
- Will I have to change schools? Children consider the implications of restarting their education at a new school. Aside from the new school, this usually contains new activities, losing friends, and making new friends.
These topics weigh heavily on children’s minds. Despite the emotional burden, parents hold plenty of control of the final outcome. Furthermore, the parents’ reaction plays a large role in how their children perceive the situation. In the event that both parties successfully learn to co-parent, the children often feel greater security across relationships.
Implementing the Collaborative Divorce Process
At our firm, we see Illinois divorces with children benefit greatly from the collaborative process. In a Collaborative Divorce, a neutral child specialist joins the discussion. Particularly, this specialist helps the parents lessen the impact the divorce has on the children. Additionally, the children participate in the process so that they can express their feelings and concerns. This helps them feel like their voice is at least being heard.
- Both parents should reassure the children that they and the other parent still love them and will still be part of their lives.
- Always reassure the children that the divorce was not their fault.
- Notably, never ask children to take sides.
- Do not ask the children to pass messages between the parents.
For legal guidance through the Illinois divorce process, contact the family law firm at Bruckner Hernandez Legal Solutions, LLC.